1、做我朋友吧！有錢帶你晴空萬里，沒錢帶你搶特價大米。

Be my friend！ Have the money to take you clear blue skies， no money to take you grab special price rice。

2、我上班開寶馬，旅遊開路虎，接孩子開蘭博基尼，買菜開賓士，不過平時開得最多的是玩笑。

I drive a BMW to work， a Land Rover to travel， a Lamborghini to pick up the kids and a Mercedes to buy groceries， but most of the time it‘s a joke。

3、我只橫刀向天笑，笑完我就去睡覺。

I just smile to the sky， laugh I go to bed。

4、能不能給我轉一毛錢？因為我擔心我們連一毛錢的關係都沒有。

Can you change me a dime？ Because I’m afraid we don‘t even have a dime to lose。

5、特別佩服嘴甜的人，有些話我不是說不出來，是我表情跟不上。

I admire the sweet-mouthed people in particular， some words I can’t say， is that I can‘t keep up with the expression。

6、最近不敢出去玩兒了，怕別人發現我用鐵飯盆乾飯的秘密。

I dare not go out to play recently， for fear that others will find out the secret of my cooking with iron rice bowl。

7、專家稱，眼睛千萬不能連續對著手機太久，那樣手機會沒電。

Experts say you should never keep your eyes on your phone for too long or it will run out of battery。

8、評論的人每人送100元話費， 聯通、移動、電信任選，別問我為什麼，我就是想開個玩笑。

Comment of the person each send 100 yuan call fee， unicom， mobile， telecommunication optional， do not ask me why， I just want to open a joke。

9、喜歡吃一樣東西是藏不住的，就算捂住嘴巴，口水還是會從指縫中溢位來。

Like to eat a thing is not to hide， even if cover your mouth， saliva will still overflow from the fingers。

10、每天都處在心有餘而睡眠不足，心有餘而智商不足，心有餘而餘額不足的狀態。

Every day in the heart is willing and sleep is insufficient， the heart is willing and the intelligence quotient is insufficient， the heart is willing and the balance is insufficient。

11、你長得真好看，尤其是那眼睛，不多不少正好兩個。

You’re really good-looking， especially with those eyes， no more， no less。

12、黑色顯瘦是真的，我剛才照鏡子沒開燈，瘦的整個人都看不見了。

Black shows thin is true， I just looked in the mirror did not turn on the light， thin whole person can not see。

13、生活亂七八糟，我要多點花招。

Life is messy， I need more tricks。

14、永遠不要和父母吵架，因為你吵不贏的時候只有捱罵，當你吵贏的時候只有捱打。

Never quarrel with your parents， because you can only be scolded when you can not win， and only be beaten when you win。

圖片來源網路，侵權聯刪。