For me， Chinese New Year used to be fun。

對於我來說，過去感覺過年很有意思呢。

When I was a kid， I was excited during Chinese New Year when I got lai see and I could stay up late。 I even had access to candy， a once-a-year treat while living under the roof of my Tiger Mom。

孩提時的我，一到過年就興奮不已，我雖平日生活在我家虎媽的“淫威”下，但過年我就可以收到紅包了，可以熬夜了，甚至還有機會收到一年才能吃到一次的糖果了。

Riding strong on the sugar highs， I always thought to myself， this is what it must feel like to be an adult。 I was flush， free and giddy。

糖果的甜味久久回味，小時候我一直以為，這就是長大成人的感覺，長大了就可以有了一片無拘無束任自己自由馳騁的天地。

Then at some point in my twenties， Chinese New Year became a chore。 Not any garden variety chore， but a cold-sweat-inducing family obligation that I try hard to avoid。

後來，到了我二十多歲的時候，農曆新年卻變得很苦逼。各種苦逼問題劈頭蓋臉般撲向你，而我在設法逃避著這種令人冒冷汗的所謂的家庭責任。

As an adult， Chinese New Year is an annual nightmare， for the following reasons：

我長大成人了，農曆新年與我而言就是一年一度的噩夢一場，有如下原因：

1. I find it sucks when you are single

你要是單身的話，那就糟透了

Relatives feel that they have a right to judge you because you do share bits of DNA， so， really， it‘s almost like they’re judging themselves。

親戚們覺得自己有權干涉你的個人感情生活問題，因為你們畢竟部分血脈相連，所以他們說起你的感情問題來真的幾乎就像是在說自己一樣。

Typically， the extended family gathers for Chinese New Year and spends an inordinate amount of time together， during which people get bored and focus their restlessness on judging the younger generation， particularly those who are single。

通常情況下，中國新年全家聚在一起的時間比較長，全家聚在一起時一旦覺得無聊，他們就會轉而把精力都集中在年輕一代人、特別是單身年輕人的身上。

Singledom means a lack of responsibilities and responsibility-free people need to be reined in by the wisdom of elders， or they will be reckless with their directionless lives。

單身則代表缺乏責任感，沒有責任感的自由人就需要受長輩們的智慧牽制，否則他們的生活就會失去方向。

Here are some unavoidable conversations at Chinese New Year。 By “conversations” I really mean monologues by one Wise Elder or another， fired away at a particular Single Younger in a trance-like manner：

下面的話題就是春節時一些無法避免的對話。這裡的“對話” 指的是智者長輩單方面的冗長嘮叨，他們陷入一種恍惚狀態“指點著”單身的年輕人們：

“Why don‘t you have a boyfriend？ If you have a boyfriend， why don’t you get married？”

“你為什麼還沒有男朋友？要是你有男朋友，為什麼還不結婚？”

“Why are you not dieting at least a little bit？ Second Cousin Yong Yong will have to start bringing clothes from America for you。”

“你為什麼不少吃一點兒呢？二表哥永永（音譯）得要從美國給你帶衣服回來啦。”

“What happened to your hair？ Blue is not such a good color for us Chinese people。”

“你的頭髮怎麼弄成這副樣子了？把頭髮染成藍色，這個顏色對於我們中國人來說，可不是什麼好顏色。”

“Are you saving up for an apartment？ Why not？ The most important thing in life is to have a roof over your head。 You don‘t want to be homeless， do you？ What if the economy collapses again？ At least you will have an apartment。”

“你在攢錢準備買房嗎？為什麼還不攢錢準備買房呢？人這一輩子有地方住才是大事，你不想無家可歸吧？是不是？如果經濟再次不行了可怎麼辦呢？怎麼說至少你也得有一套自己的房子住才行啊。”

“Why don‘t you get a better paid job？ You are wasting your talent。 You will regret your life。”

“你為什麼不找一份薪水再高一些的工作呢？你白讀了這麼多年的書了。你會後悔你現在過的日子的。”

2. I am employed

我工作了

I loved the great Chinese tradition of gifting lai see。 Getting HK$20 for no reason other than tradition really rocked my seven-year-old world。

我喜歡送紅包這個優良傳統。收到20元港幣的紅包著實震撼了七歲的我的小小世界。

I have an income now， so twenty bucks here and there doesn‘t make a huge difference， but I still retain that childhood anticipation for the red packets。 It’s just a bit disappointing when I open up an envelope and it isn‘t concealing a massive check。

目前我有了一份自己的收入，因此，這二十塊錢無法讓我再生感動之情，但我還是對童年收紅包的傳統習慣有了期待。只是當我開啟紅包時，看一下紅包裡面裝的錢太少了時，那令人失望的表情絲毫不加掩飾。

And it‘s the guilt from feeling disappointed that makes me really hate Chinese New Year for making me hate myself。

而且自己感覺又內疚又失望，這讓我真的很討厭過年，我恨我自己。

It‘s just like being unable to conceal your letdown expression when unwrapping that pair of socks at Secret Santa parties。

這就像是當你開啟一雙秘密聖誕老人的襪子時，你表露出的那種無法掩飾的失望表情。

Gifting is a heartwarming tradition。 It‘s the thought that counts。 I am not supposed to care。 I am a bad person。

送禮物是一種讓人感覺溫馨的優良傳統，重在心意。我本不該在乎禮物輕重的，我真是個地道的大壞蛋。

3.There‘s even worse。

還有更糟糕的。

Chinese New Year gambling is just out of hand。

春節賭博可謂是到了一發不可收拾的地步。

Now that I have a job， I‘m expected to bet real money at The Mahjong Table， a no man’s land filled with hidden agendas， treacherous scheming and Janus-faced traitors。

現在，我有了一份工作，我盼著在麻將桌上動真格的贏點錢，如同無人區滿藏各種制敵取勝的奸詐心計一樣算計著贏錢。

If you beat your elder relatives at mahjong one too many times， beware their wrath。 It really hurts when you get hit by a mahjong tile。

如果你打麻將總贏你的長輩親戚們，當心惹惱他們是會向你飛來一個麻將牌的，麻將牌打到身上真是很疼的。